Canada

Nelly = Novus Ordo Canada (Second Female Prime Minister)

The motto of the Dominion of Canada is A Mari Usque Ad Mare which is officially translated as “From Sea to Sea” and “D’un océan à l’autre ”

A New Rhythm: The Prime Minister’s Address on the Golden Age Agenda

(Prime Minister Nelly Furtado steps to the dispatch box in the House of Commons, wearing the sharp suit. She delivers the address with both her characteristic energy and the gravitas of her office.)

My fellow Canadians, thank you. Thank you for the trust you have placed in me. For years, I’ve spoken about finding the rhythm—the balance between the hustle and the flow. As your Prime Minister, I am here to tell you that the rhythm of our nation is about to change. We are not just dreaming of a better future; we are legislating it. We are entering Canada’s Golden Age.

Our first priority is truly unifying this great nation. I am announcing the immediate feasibility study and funding allocation for The Transcontinental Maglev Infrastructure Project. This is not just a high-speed rail line; this is a twenty-first-century artery that will connect Vancouver to St. John’s in a fraction of the time, dramatically reducing shipping costs, improving access to vital remote resources, and ensuring that no Canadian city is ever truly far from another. It is the ultimate expression of our national unity.

Next, we address the burden that stifles our talent. Fear of debt is fear of the future. Therefore, effective immediately, my government is implementing the National Interest-Free Loan Initiative for Students and Small Businesses. This policy will apply to all federally backed student loans and new small business startup capital. We are removing the shackles of compound interest so that the next generation of innovators can build, study, and create without financial paralysis. Our focus is on freeing the capital, so we can finally free the minds!

Now, let’s talk about the cadence of life itself. We are a country that values both hard work and wellbeing. We must maximize efficiency, not just hours logged. This government is officially mandating a transition to a Four-Day Work Week across all federally regulated industries, supported by an official embrace of Slack and Operational Efficiency in the public sector. We will measure output, not presence.

We believe working smarter is the most profound policy of social recovery.

And what does this newfound time give us? A day for ourselves, our families, and our communities. To anchor this shift, I am signing into law the creation of a new National Golden Age Holiday, offering every Canadian a guaranteed, guilt-free long weekend, every week.

Finally, we address the very heart and spirit of our communities: sport. Sport is culture, it is identity, and it must be elevated to a world-class level right here at home.

I have directed our negotiating teams to work with the NFL and the CFL to facilitate a comprehensive and respectful Merger of the CFL into the NFL. This will see Canadian teams retained and expanded, putting our distinct three-down game and legendary rivalries on the highest competitive stage globally, ensuring our beloved sport thrives, not just survives.

Simultaneously, we are launching the National Sporting City Expansion Fund. Our goal is ambitious, but achievable: Major League Baseball and NBA Franchises in Every Canadian City that can demonstrate sustainable market demand. We are funding the infrastructure, attracting the ownership, and ensuring that the pride of world-class professional sport is visible, accessible, and playable, from Moncton to Saskatoon, from Victoria to St. John’s. It is my promise of community, opportunity, and endless cheering.

This is the new rhythm of Canada. It is faster, it is fairer, and yes, it is undeniably more fun. I believe in this Golden Age. Now, let’s go make our mosaic magnificent! Thank you.

Canada Election
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© Kama

The New Christmas Truce

Christmas Truce

Dona eis Pax Christus Rex. I want peace between all you racist stereotypes this Christmas. The only person I want you to hate this CHRISTmas is his infernal majesty, John Milton the devil, and his false prophet Pastor Richards. I want peace Jimmy and Derek. Jimmy celebrates Kwanzaa and Derek celebrates Yule. Leave those pagan white Gods Derek. CHRISTmas is a time to share with friends. When light overcomes darkness. Light has nothing to do with the color of your skin. Tell that to Derek’s friend Dylan Roof or Jimmy’s cousin Micah. U2 won’t listen to the son of God or J Edgar Hoover so I might have to excommunicate both of you.

Ave Maria
Salve me Rex Tremendae
Amen

Young Pope Takes Cold Shower

Young Pope Cold Shower

Brides of Christ, Giulia Salemi And Dayane Mello, wore x rated bridal gowns to my premiere. Don’t masturbate to the Young Pope’s face Dayane. I know the devil is inside you by the snake necklace you wear. The Young Pope wants U2 find love before you give away all your goods. You can’t tempt me to touch my own naughty bits young brides of Christ. I’ll just take this cold shower.

Mother Mary, I quit doing coke but I need a smoke and my cherry coke. Smoking reduces the sex drive. That’s Pope Pius XIII’s secret.